S3E5: You Can’t Do That!
Giving ourselves permission to defy norms and create from the heart
Happy Tuesday amazing and wonderful fellow creators!
Today, let’s get inspired to step out of our comfort zone, move out of our lane and into a more exhilarating one, throw some spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks!
Artists Defy Norms
I am inspired by the people who attended a workshop I led over the weekend.
Simply by signing up and then showing up – the workshop was called Café & Courage: Embracing Your Path – they each took a brave step on their life’s journey.
They each remembered times in their lives where they had been courageous.
They supported each other and showed up for each other – and themselves.
It will not surprise me one bit to hear, at some future date, from each of them about the successful attainment of their dreams.
Looking inside ourselves is vulnerable work.
It is most effectively done when someone really truly wants to make a change in their life.
And it’s not done without defying some norms.
We all internalize messages over the course of our lives.
One of the participants shared that, for them, courage is “Doing something you feel is right even if others disagree.”
I’m curious how that lands for you? When have you done something you felt was right, even if others disagreed?
How did it feel to show up for yourself – and what happened, as you look back?
I’d love to hear.
I am sharing an excerpt from my book today!
May it spark something
Inspire something
For you on your journey.
Chapter 10. Who Gets to Say if I’m an Artist?
I was always drawn to visual art.
I’m not sure that I would’ve said I wanted to be an artist… But still it filtered into everything for me.
I loved doodling, especially cubes or other three-dimensional figures. I loved how the planes interacted with each other and you could make something look like it was standing up off the paper.
But I put that childish stuff aside by about the seventh grade
There were far more serious and important subjects to study
Than drawing.
My senior year in high school I developed a love of photography.
And when I went to university I chose to pursue photography, which put me in the School of Fine Arts.
I enjoyed the classes
The assignments
The learning
I did not, however, feel like I belonged there.
I’d create something and couldn’t get it to say what I wanted to say.
I found professors’ assessment of my work demoralizing.
Then when I was in my second semester of freshman year, my figure drawing professor became frustrated with me.
“Why are you here?” he asked me one day during class. I felt the eyes of my classmates moving away from the model in the center of the room and toward this teacher and I at my easel.
He raised his arms overhead, grabbed at his hair, gestured at my easel. He shared his frustration with all of the things I had not yet grasped about drawing the human figure.
“You are not an artist,” he concluded. “You should give this up.”
And you know what?
I did.
I did give up art. At the start of my sophomore year I enrolled in the Human Development & Family Relations program.
That’s what my Bachelor of Science is in.
I have loved my life and career
The folks in HDFR felt like family, professors and fellow students both.
I found the research fascinating and return frequently to the principles I learned all those years ago. In fact I loved it so much I went on to earn a master’s degree in Early Childhood Education.
I was and still am fascinated with the way that young children are in the world, how they acquire language, what they can teach me.
I’m so grateful for all the learning and the fun!
And yet I never fully gave up the idea of art.
It squished out of me in other ways.
My junior year I spent a semester studying in Florence, Italy… With a focus on art and art history.
After Ben and I married I became a quilter. A creator of baby quilts and bed quilts; napkins and tablecloths; and wall hangings including landscape quilts.
But I never considered that “art.”
In more recent years I joined the Art Association in the town next door – not because I was an artist, I told myself. Simply because I was curious to watch some of the artists’ demonstrations.
Once a pastellist gave a demonstration, showing how to transfer an image from a tablet to a piece of sanded paper so that it was ready to paint with pastels.
I did that, made a painting of a lovely Amaryllis in our home… It took me two years due to the tendon condition that I live with. At the time I made it I could use my hands for perhaps 20 percent of what a typical person could do, and that was huge growth from a few years prior to that when I had about 5 percent use of my hands. Lots to be grateful for. (On a good day today, I have about 50% use of my hands, compared to a typical person.)
But I never considered that painting “art.” After all, I just transferred a picture from my iPad! That doesn’t count, right?
I turned 50 in 2021. Not coincidentally, 2021 was the year in which I attended that nine day coaching intensive, joined the Global Coach Community – founded by Coach Andrew, it’s a community that is free to join. The investment is in the time spent there, and in the time that I spent there I felt so uplifted and truly seen by my colleagues.
I returned to doodling.
Not the 3D cubes of my youth.
Instead I began doodling, of all things, loons, my favorite bird. I consider the loon my spirit animal.. I copied the line drawings that inspired me in The Loon: Voice of the Wilderness, an amazing book about this amazing bird, by Joan Dunning.
That autumn I remembered a resource that my kids had used in homeschooling: Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. Author Betty Edwards published both a textbook and a workbook with this title, and we had the workbook in our home.
Often in my work I see how people struggle to accept support.
Looking back on my first time holding this workbook
Hesitating to open it
Hesitating to hope even…
Would it be something useful?
Or would it make me feel even more than I already did like an idiot who couldn’t draw?
I’d only find out by opening the book.
I discovered a heartening resource. The workbook felt practical and instructive and written in a supportive way. And fun!
Before I knew it I was accessing the parts of my brain that could look at a subject and translate it objectively to paper.
I was toning drawing paper with charcoal; I was going back to my college Artbin, finding the pencils and erasers purchased long ago and dormant for so long.
I was enjoying messy hands and finding charcoal or pencil marks on my face and clothes.
I had always been that kid who couldn’t stay clean
Making mud pies in the backyard
Playing hide and seek under shrubs and decks and in crawlspaces
Exploring brooks and creeks near home, returning with wet muddy jeans and boots
Loving every minute.
In late 2021 I gave pastels a try with this new learning
Joining the Patreon community of a wonderful artist, Karin Margulis
In December 2021
I shared
With my beloved colleagues in the Global Coach Community
A painting I’d made
A cardinal in a pine tree.. It was December :)
One colleague said “that looks like a Christmas card!”
There’s something special about sharing a creation.
I’ve come to believe that a piece isn’t finished until it’s shared
Learning how to share without feeling the judgment
That I used to feel back in the School of Fine Arts
is a wonderful little piece of heaven.
A year later, in December 2022, our holiday cards had my art on them!
I remember thinking…
“Who gets to decide if I’m an artist?”
It took 30 years.
But now I’m certain
That it’s me who gets to decide.
What learning is here for you?
I invite you to reflect on the following questions…
What norms have I defied?
What conditioning have I become aware of on my journey as a creator?
What permission can I give myself to keep going?
Who truly gets to say if I can do this?
Simply notice and jot down what you notice.
Wrapping Up
Upholding ourselves and trusting ourselves is a disorienting, messy, beautiful journey.
Inside we can be feeling like “oh my goodness! I can’t do that!! What’s everybody gonna think?! What if I do it wrong?”
But really – who gets to say what you can and cannot do?
We need your beautiful creations.
But most importantly – we need you to feel inspired as a creator.
I’m cheering for you as you embrace your path
I’m so very grateful that we are on the path together.
Thank you for being here with me for the latest in our 10 week narrative on cultivating creative enjoyment in challenging times!
If it resonates and there’s someone in your world that you think would enjoy this newsletter please share this out with them. Here is the link… Thank you!
Next week we consider past creative challenges that have led to growth.
Stay tuned!
Come and Play!
Seeds & Self-Discovery: Online Tarot Workshop
Due to a link snafu, I have postponed and am rescheduling this workshop.
I’m also shifting it to one evening, rather than four successive weeks – that’s a lot for folks at this time of year!
I’d love to do this at a time that works for as many of you who are interested as possible.
So, I would love your input – how does Tuesday, 6 May, 6 PM-7:30 PM Eastern time work for you?
I’m excited!
Apply to Work with Me
When I reflect on how I’m most effective as a coach, the following comes up:
I am a helpful and effective coach
IF
you’re feeling stuck
AND
You are open to trying something different to get out of the trap
SO
You’re on the path to creating the life you really wish to live.
There is no set curriculum.
You are the material.
There’s no set coaching fee
We co-create the agreement that has you feeling fully committed to
Empowered to
Bring your best dreams into reality.
If that resonates, give yourself permission to fill out this form.
About Me
I’m Kay! A Coach and Creator who goes beyond my own limits and helps others do the same.
I’m a nurturer of creativity and connection.
I am a through-hiker who used to need a wheelchair.
In 2011 I developed a tendon condition which had me needing a wheelchair – and then in May 2023 I solo-hiked across northern England.
In 2024 I published my award-winning memoir, Waking Up, about who I became in order to be fit and ready for that epic journey.
My experience as an educator and coach spans 31 years. I am also the creator of podcasts (including a new one! So new it’s not even on my website yet – The Waking Up Podcast), art, an award-winning memoir and multiple newsletters for creatives, for leaders, and for inspiration.
I live in Massachusetts with my partner of 29 years, and I am Mom to two amazing young adults.