DO Try This at Home
Lessons in resistance.. and alignment
First: DON'T Try This!
Recently, I tried an experiment.
I wanted to understand how resistance plays a part in my life. So I took a week to write down every time I noticed:
When I felt afraid
When I second-guessed myself
When I avoided tasks
I diligently wrote down each instance I saw of this, starting on a Saturday morning.
By Monday, I was wondering "what's the point" of my usual joyful daily practices of meditation, walking, and painting.
By Tuesday, I was questioning showing up with beloved colleagues is my full self.
By Wednesday, I was sharing with loved ones that I felt "caught up in a fear spiral."By Friday, I was questioning the veracity and even longevity of some of my closest and most loving relationships.
By Saturday I had completely transformed my experience of life
Into one that was full of fear and questioning and self-doubt.
And I didn't see the connection between tracking the resistance – paying attention to it – and all of the resistance that was suddenly showing up in my life.
That's the most fascinating thing to me about all of this.
It took a colleague bringing curiosity about how differently I was showing up by the following Monday, to connect the dots.
Whatever we look for
That's what shows up.
So.. don’t track resitance!
Or if you do, remember that what we bring our attention to, grows.
Actually - maybe just don’t.
Here’s What To Try At Home
The following week – last week – I tracked alignment instead.
I noticed and wrote down each time I felt
Really aligned with my values
In flow
Fully engaged in what I was doing
On Monday, I discovered the tracking resistance meant seeing resistance and fear everywhere. Yuck!
On Tuesday, I remembered feeling good
On Wednesday, I remembered compassion
On Thursday, I remembered gratitude
On Friday, I remembered wonder
On Saturday, I remembered loving kindness.
On Sunday, I remembered presence in the outside-of-time feeling of presence for me.
(Feeling a little bit like the Very Hungry Caterpillar here :-)
"Presence" is my most deeply held value. Being here now. Noticing this moment and experiencing it fully. This is the value from which everything good in my life flows!
And it took a FULL WEEK of tracking alignment in order to remember that.
Yowza.
The Thursday of this alignment-tracking week was also the day that I saw the aurora borealis – the northern lights – with my own two eyes for the first time ever.
I shall forever remember
Being out on the back deck
Witnessing this incredible phenomenon
Painting it as it was happening above me
Then Friday – the day after that – I remembered wonder.
Looking back, it happened like that all week. I felt good on Monday; Tuesday my brain remembered "feeling good" as a possible option
I felt compassion on Tuesday; Wednesday it showed up as one of the guiding principles I live by
On Wednesday I felt really grateful – Thursday, I remembered gratitude as a force in the world
That's how it played out all week! Fascinating.
Emotions' True Nature
I've come to think of it this way: I don't snap my fingers and stop feeling afraid. I've tried that enough! To tell myself to not feel afraid. Doesn't work.
Here's what works
When I have a feeling of fear – and I'm aware of it – I can be patient and observe it, knowing that it will pass.
We experience feelings in our bodies. And our bodies simply take time to process things.
I gave myself the whole week of tracking alignment to remember these gifts… I see now that I gave myself grace when my mind was wishing to just be able to snap its fingers and have good feelings.
It's a practice
And the practice is returning to tracking alignment
Noticing these characteristics of alignment – feeling good, compassion, gratitude, wonder, loving kindness, outside-of-time presence
Being patient with myself when I didn't feel them but wished I did
Allowing feelings to be present until they changed or dissipated
As ultimately they did
Every single time
At which point I'd find myself back in my usual sunny mindset
Noticeably… For longer and longer periods.
How does this jibe with your experience?
I've noticed that there are things I can do to bring a more positive mindset about more quickly
For example I can utilize a tool I have found really helpful!
It's called "minding my own business"
It involves literally that – when I feel my brain gearing up to start something that feels like resistance
I don't track it
I bring as little attention to it as possible
I… Mind my own business about it
If you are a paid supporter, you'll be receiving this week's Autumn Curriculum module soon!
Here is where you can become a paid supporter, if you're not and if this resonates : )
This week's tool is more on minding our own business
With some practical ideas on how to cultivate this in your life
So you can bring more of your focus to the good stuff
Wellbeing
Feeling aligned with your values
Enjoyment
In a season where there is so much fear, opportunity to second-guess decisions or avoid tasks because we are feeling afraid
Minding our own business can help us find peace.
I'm wishing you that today!
And I'm curious: what's "the good stuff" to you? I reference well-being, alignment, and enjoyment above. What's your version of that? I'd love to hear.
Lots of love until next time –
Kay